Song

Who were you when I was me, when I was you then who was I

When I was her and she was me, when he was she and she was he

Then who were you when I was you, when you were me then who was she

And who was he when I was me, when I was he then who was me

What did you do when I was true, when I was you, what did you do

What point of view, what style renewed, what word to give a meaning to

What single thing, what uncrowned king, what words to say to help me pray

To help today, when things go wrong, what God to love, to sing a song

What song to sing, oh what a choice, the melody and then the voice

As lyrics bring the need to sing and all the world is listening

What was the start and what began, when I was he, a broken man

And she was you, so beautiful, I can't believe there was a plan

But if there was, it strikes me dumb, I breathe alive, a single lung

But not for fun, or anyone, it works for me but not for some

If some were true, then so were you, then so was I, perhaps or die

Perhaps if I could sing that song, the concert wouldn't seem so long

Not for Us

Normalcy was not enough
Not for me and not for us
That was why I let you go
Just so I could watch the show

Nothing else can bring that rush
Not for me and not for us
That was why we had to split
Just so I could die from it

Don't expect you'll cry that much
Not for me and not for us
That was why we had to part
I could never break your heart

There was never any love
Not for me and not for us
That was why it had to end
Nothing tortures like pretend

Normalcy was not enough
Living never seemed so tough
There was never any love
Not for me and not for us

That was why I let you go
Just so I could watch the show
Nothing else can bring that rush
Not for me and not for us

Hand in Hand

Every day is all the same, the same is all of every day

When everything is all the same, the same is all of everything

How deep it goes, this need for change, this need for change, how deep it goes

How deep are we, such blood and magic, miracles, children of science

Understanding cannot be, we need to know the mystery

We search for ways we can explain our very natures, place the blame

Invented Gods, someone to name, someone to pray to, far away

Someone to justify our flaws, place human weakness at his door

A door too far away to touch, the only way to see to die

And when we die, so out of reach, we cannot then explain, to teach

And priest and teachers use our fears, to say we may not see the door

If we be bad, or not believe, then there may not be any more

beyond our deaths, with nothing left, then we will fade away to black

Which is of course, the way it is, no lack of faith, a simple fact

Such fools are we, to base our lives, on ancient supersitious fiction

Take each verse upon it's word, believing everything we've heard

Instead of learning moral lessons, know your sins, who needs confession

There is value in the knowing right from wrong, it makes us strong

But to ignore the evidence, it seems to me like ignorance

There is no God, there is no heaven, is no devil, is no hell

Was no Jesus, crucifixion, what a powerful depiction

To engulf the world in lies, a business grows, the church it flies

But I believe the Church is good, if misinformed, but still it would

Emerge with light, I think it should, with opened eyes, be all it could

If faith and science, hand in hand, could find some way, some common ground

To understand the world around, the very depth of human hearts

Then God would be our Human soul

And science everything we know

If that could be then I would pray

I'd pray to God, I'd pray all day

I'd look into the sky and swear

That I see heaven floating there

The man without options
can do anything
Nothing is forbidden

The man with nowhere to go
can go anywhere
The world is a vast neighbourhood

The man facing death
is free to live
A life without fear
is a life without limit

The man who has been
the worst that he can be
need not fear the future.
If he is better now than he was
he needn't regret the past

The man who has never been loved
need not be ashamed
if his heart is full

If his heart is cold
it is because
he has never loved

The man who holds hate in his heart
is hateful
He will search for hate
and be drawn to hate
And the world will give him what he seeks

Finally

Her Mother never loved her
so she took her love from boys

But the boys never loved her
Treated all the girls like toys

And her Step Dad said he loved her
He was just like all the boys

Now in dreams of him
she screams within
and that is how he wins

She told it to her Mother
but her Mother didn't care

So she told it to her Father
but her Father wasn't there

So she told it to another
but she wasn't quite aware

Of his pain filled eyes on her behalf
or of his love filled stare

He had been her friend since they were young
and loved her just as long

As a child he'd often longed for her
and put her name in songs

And he'd watched her waste her time with men
who didn't treat her right

In the darkness he had cried himself
so many sleepless nights

When she told him what her Step Dad did
and what her Mother said

When she told him she had no one for
her Father he was dead

When she looked at him
As he looked back
Then something in him snapped

And he swore revenge
and that was when
she realised the fact

She had never really looked at him
Content that he was there

He was constant like the furniture
The table or the chair

She had leaned on him to ease her need
but never really seen

He was everything she needed

That was when he turned to leave

And she knew that he would kill for her
She knew that he would die

And she knew that either way
they would be forced to say goodbye

So she followed him
To say to him
She wanted only him

And as they made love
She fell in love
Completely
from within

As they held each other in the dark
She finally was free

With his arms protecting her from harm
She finally could see

What it meant to really be alive
She finally could be

And the thing she had been searching for
She felt it finally

Journey

Doors open, same faces, same old thing

Sitting here, same spot, head down, no eye contact

Same old journey, stop to stop, minute to minute, check point to check point

Lost in my own thoughts, mind drifting, scant attention

Trying to block the sounds, some vulgar, all invasive

Lambs pretending to be lions, showing off to their peers

Uniform becomes a costume, same old story, second hand

Once the story was mine, long past, been and gone

He who was, no longer here, died and burnt, turned to ash

Ash to flame, flame to birth, birth to growth, here I am

Sitting here, same spot, head down, no eye contact

Thoughts combine behind the eyes, words come, questions form

What am I still doing here...and when will this journey end?

Born to Write

The world is blind, I see that now
I'll show them all, some way, somehow
That I am here, that I exist
I'll give them what they can't resist
The words that float around my head
The best that I have ever read
The thoughts that come in deepest night
That make me feel so good, so right
I'll make these people understand
That I was born with pen in hand
That when I write I come alive
My very essence does ignite

But who can see, who looks at me
Who reads these words upon this sheet
Who takes the time to really see
The power of the pen gone free
But pens are now in short supply
We writers now, we swiftly type
Upon the keys we loose our souls
As cells of skin slip through the holes
This isn't like the greats of old
Who wrote with quills, such tales they told
But just like they, I have that light
For they like I were born to write

For they, like I, like you, like all
Have brains that work and not at all
Invisible to human eyes
So very small, the world goes by
Whilst few of us are hypnotised
In battle with the T's and I's
They tease, they lie, they pass the blame
This isn't life, this is a game

But this is life if life you lead
With lines of ink and paper leaves
On metal, plastic, boards of keys
The words they haunt, they speak to me
In silence in the dead of night
Or in the day, the height of light
In company or all alone
Or miles away or safe at home

The words become my only friend
They give me strength like some pretend
The words are strong but safe to bend
They let me make a line of them
A line of them and then with friends
A rhyming trend and meaning then
It scares me how it somehow fits
I had not much to do with it
It comes from somewhere deep within
Behind my eyes, beneath my skin
I know not how but it feels right
I only know I have to write

I write these words upon this page
They capture all my joy and rage

It makes me high just like a kite
I think that I was born to write

I know that I was born to write

Outlaw

In ancient times they would have called this The Year of Our Lord

But no one measures time anymore

And belief in God has long since fallen beyond memory

The time of war has come

and we are but ants beneath the tide

Soldiers come

Into our homes, into our hearts

They take our children, they take our wives

They take our husbands, they take our lives

And lucky are those who are the ones to die

Nowhere is safe,

Nowhere is hope

Civilisation is a long forgotten dream

How did it come to this?

When did the world go mad?

No one knows how it started or when

No one knows which country fell first

But in all countries, on every continent

The people are suffering

Our leaders

chosen by us, from us, for us, 

Are answerable to no one and nothing

Not even the secret smile of history

For history is written by the powerful and the victorious

The world has fallen to the sins of Man

For Man craves power

And the more power taken by the powerful

The more power they crave

It is long since the people had any power

The screams of women and children fill the night

Like the wind howling outside my window

I stand in the shadows, hunted by demons that walk in the light of day

Haunted by the darkness that has befallen my world

The terror that has gripped my people

The injustice

My thoughts turn as dark as the blackness of my surroundings

As I reflect on what the world has made of me

The enemy say I am a killer

and they are right

For I have killed many

And I will kill many more

My name is known throughout the world

Some call me legend, others myth

The enemy uses an oft' neglected word

Outlaw

It is a name given to criminals

But was a name often given to the heroes of the past

My people call me hero

I do not desire any of these names

I only desire the peace enjoyed by my ancestors

My ancestors

In the town of my birth and heritage

The authority of law became the harbinger of death

They butchered many, my family amongst them

But they did not get me

Gripped by rage for my fallen kin

And with a small group of allies and friends

I took righteous revenge upon those who had broken us

Who had so sorely abused their position

I etched a message in blood for all the world to see

No more

No more will we fall victim to the whim of the powerful and corrupt

No more will we be crushed beneath the boot of persecution

No more should we fear death

For what is death in battle when measured against a life of slavery and torture

Now we stand upon the edge of tomorrow

The sun is starting to rise from the ash of yesterday

I do not know what is to come

But I face it with blood on my hands and with hope in my heart

They all give me names

Some call me Legend, Hero, Myth

Some call me Killer, Enemy,

Outlaw

I wonder what name history will give me

Copyright © John B O'Halloran 2011

Self Definition

How do you define yourself

By name, by job, relationship

By house, by car, where do you fit

What do you do?  Just who are you?

What of belief, your point of view

How many parents, one or two, 

Or maybe none, or maybe few

Or maybe you don't have a clue

Or maybe they all lied to you

Or better still, perhaps you grew

In endless fields of endless blue

If that were true, how many grew

And do they ever write to you?

By what do you define yourself

By who you are or what you do

When someone says 'what do you do?'

Is that the best that they can do

Why ask me that? A pointless fact

it matters not, it's just a job

We all have jobs, to pay the bills

And very few like what they do

The question isn't quite the point

The answer is the thing they lack

And power lies behind the finding

What they think the answer means

They think that what you do is you

They think that you are what you do

So when you tell them what you do

They formulate a point of view

They think they have a hook in you

They think that what they know is true

But how do you define yourself?

By what you are to someone else

Or by the things you know yourself?

Just how do you define yourself

When face to face, what face reflected

Just what action self elected

Always someone will reject it

Do not ever feel affected

We all sometimes feel rejected

Face reflection, smile and wave

From the womb and to the grave

Know yourself like no one else

That is why they call it self

Who are you?  What do you do?

Know the answer, speak it true

Ask the question  only you

Has the right to ask of you

How do you define yourself?

What Happens

What happens when you notice 
That your life is out of focus
When you dread the day the morning brings
You cannot see the light
When the only thing that means a thing
Becomes the thing you hide within
A moment when you stop and say
This cannot be my life

What happens when these feelings take ahold of you around the heart
What happens when you realise you want it all to fall apart 
The rules mean less and less to you
What people say that you should do
With every thought
Rebellion
But still you seem to carry on

What happens when you realise
you want it all to stop
Like a pebble falling from a height
You're tired of the drop
Do the sights and sounds still seem as fine
As when you had the time
To appreciate the falling
When you understood the climb

Places and Spaces

I fell asleep, upon a cloud
And when I dreamed, the dream was loud
Too loud to hear, too near to touch
I think I loved it very much
And when I woke, I died inside
The wrenching, waking, somehow lied
To bring me here, to meet this fate
I have to fall, I cannot wait
No time at all, it's way past late
There are no spaces on my plate
My day is full, my laces tied
No places left for me to hide

I walked alone, on paths of thought
Towards the place my death just bought
I was not forced, I was not brought
With all the will that I was taught
And all I learned has led my here
Beneath the mountain of my fear
I start to climb, leave life behind
The essence of my strength unwinds
The things that I have seen rewind
The places I have been, not mine
The climb is hard, I feel no pain
I feel just like a child again

I look into the hallowed sky
I hear a whispered word 'goodbye'
I hear it break the icy calm
For once I feel no real alarm
There is no harm, I fear no foul
I fear no thing, not fear, not now
I only fear that I might wake
To breathe once more, to feel the ache
That I recall, each single day
When I was flesh, when all was grey
I pray to God that I might stay
If God is here, he keeps away

I'm happy now, like not before
I know my path, I know my door
I see it there, within the air
Reach out my hand, with not a care
A dream like daze has taken me
The chains have gone, I feel so free
If anybody speaks of me
Then I am just a memory
Which frees me from expectancy
The burden of reality
What use have I for fantasy
For dreams are my reality
I close my eyes, reach out my hand
Then I am gone, no more a man
But something else, without a name
No longer really quite the same

When it is right to spend

There are many bargains available in Supermarkets.  Many cheaper brands that in most cases retain enough quality to make the price good value.  There are some things though where it is worth spending a bit extra for the good stuff.  To my mind these are:

Jaffa Cakes
Free Range Eggs
Tea Bags -Yorkshire, Builders, Tetley, PG - own brand bags are a definite no no
Coffee
Toilet roll
Sliced meat for sandwiches
Minced beef
Bread
Washing up liquid

Are there any more?

Growth

You did your work and did it well
You live with that, I'll live in hell
For you are here with me as well
Each single day, each tale I tell
As if you had something to sell
Repeated knocks, a ringing bell
A smiling face, that doesn't gel
Your rotting soul, how far you fell

I blame you for this sick aggression
Over years I learnt your lesson
That is why I dwell in silence
Effort to subdue this violence
Cannot once afford to slip
To palm these shaking fingertips
Into a fist, a tightened wrist
Such power there, it isn't fair

I lived within your grip for years
I cried my share of childish tears
I fell asleep with no one near
Atop a mattress made of fears
A snow white pillow soaked with salt

Oh look at what your words have brought
An enemy you raised from birth
You trained to kill, so do your worst

I'm ready like the battery
The way you used to batter me
But I am grown and I am strong
The child you victimised is gone
So take your place upon your feet
I'll turn this box into your seat
Beneath the surface, six feet deep
You'd better pray we never meet

No Regret

Where were you my sorrow

When I needed you?

Tomorrow we'll be wed

By a point of view

Something that I said

That I shared with you

We will be imprisoned

What am I to do?

Wish we'd never met 

Meaning no offence

Where were you my anger

When I needed you ?

Smiled too much, agreed to things

Tied me down like apron strings

What to do, cause a scene?

Say the things I really mean

Leave this plane before it stops

Hope I can survive the drop

Where were you my envy

When I needed you ?

Wanted her so much it hurt

Never quite knew how to flirt

So she turned to someone else

Let her go, thought she would be happier

Selfless act or foolish pride?

Now I'm dying from inside

Not much point in suicide

Where were you these feelings

When I needed you?

Consequence is painful and these words are true

Question now is what to do?

Face the truth, truth empowers

Take the blame and blow the roof

Wear these phrasings like a promise

Never to regret again

No regret, no not yet

Not until the scores are in

Not until the large one sings

Who can say what life will bring?

Who's to say that we won't win?

This is not a film we're in

No one wrote a script for it

Nor can you or I predict

If this is a classic or a crock of shit

Not before the end is done

And the critics have their fun

Even then I won't regret

Not if I allowed myself

to be myself

To not be swayed

or be remade

The story hasn't finished yet

I do not know what happens yet

There may still be a sequel yet

But there will never be regret

Random Rhyming

I'm sick of sitting here like this and swallowing this rage
You sit back and let me quick attack this wit onto this page
I was born with half a chip upon my shoulder, grew with age
Now it's turned into a paper weight, helps me keep my page
Look at all of this, all of it, every single bit
I could kill it if I gave a shit, make a joke of it
Are you laughing Holmes, figure it, lay it then turn over it
Flipping pancakes in a pan, pilchards in a can
I'm a man, that is all I am, never had a plan
But like Jam, that is all I need, 'cept for maybe ham
In a fix, give me weetabix, give it to the lunatics
Give them extra biscuits as you know they like to eat em quick
That is why I go with it, anything a bit
Moderate, never early, late, never want to make em wait
Never want to wait neither, why should you or I, either
Ever be the last beaver, dying by the meat cleaver
That is where the short trees are, by the giant malteser
Watch it as it rolls, through the field of sausage rolls
Oh
This is a good song, every single line , strong
Flow like the ping pong, rising like King Kong
Quick, better quit, never fall, not at all
For
It's been a ball so goodbye to you all

Formally Abnormal

You may not find him normal

and he thanks you for the compliment

You may not find him formal,

he has never been an ornament

You may not comprehend him

Cannot place him

In a box like bricks

You think to then be friendly

To pretend he

Is like family

To ease your curiosity

To know which box

You have to tick

But he can see right through you

Very few do

So you won't expect

The card he has stashed up his sleeve

The one last hand before he leaves

You may not find him normal

Find him quite the same as anyone

But he is rather

formally abnormal

Just like everyone